October 30 Daily Entry -- Flawed but Victorious

Every version of you still exists. You at age 6. Happy, or not so happy. Flawed or perfect. I suppose it depends on what you choose to remember.

You at age 14. Knowing nothing, and not even knowing that. Flawed, or acceptable. It depends on what you choose to remember.

You at age 25. Not knowing much more than you did at 14. Flawed, but surviving. A struggle ahead and around, but despite all you knew or didn't know, despite everything you did wrong, winning. Surviving at every turn. Adapting. Becoming more. Spreading out. Understanding more and more. Becoming one with humanity. Edges taken off with time. Becoming a Person from an Individual. Gentle, round, platonic, wise.

You at age 33. Making all the wrong choices, time after time. Not knowing. Not understanding. And learning. Slowly. Painfully. Learning.

You today. Understanding more and more. Beginning to see the vast ocean of life around you. Learning to float with the tides.

You in five years, in ten. Have you learned your lessons yet? Can you accept that you are flawed ?

You were flawed then, and those flaws are preserved in amber. They are part of who you are.

And people knew your were flawed. They could tell. You weren't hiding it. They could smell the flaw on you. But they accepted you anyway.

Or they didn't. Some of them didn't. But look...you survived. You are here. You know more. You are becoming different. Strong. Resilient. Connected to the network if people around you. Trusting that in times of need, the need will be there. Confident in knowing it has always been fine before. That you have weathered storms, and you have found joy in the midst of all of them.

Even in those hard times, there were times you cherished. There were times you were happy. There were people and places and events that became part of who you are. Bits and pieces stuck to you, like pebbles in cement. Making you who you are. Shaping how you see the world. Determining how you experience this life. (And that's the whole purpose after all, isn't it? To experience life. To feel is. To add to the collective consciousness. To be part of the macro-organism. And you're doing that whether you're happy and successful and famous and loved. Or not. You cannot help but achieve your purpose. Stay alive. That will be enough.)

If, in those hard times, you were happy and flawed and successful at achieving your whole purpose of experiencing life....if that is true, then it means right now, you are happy and flawed and successful at achieving your purpose in life.

So relax. It is done. You have already won. Everything else is icing on the cake.

So enjoy life. Don't worry. You have handled what came before--and problems came no matter how hard you tried to prevent them, so forget the idea you won't have problems. But you handled the problems before and you'll handle the ones in the future. Trust yourself. Half of the trauma is in the worry.

So find those moments of happiness and pleasure. Lean into them. Create them whenever you can. And make those moments a part of you, whether there's a storm or not.

Enjoy the storms. Make them cozy. Find concentrated bliss in the midst of a storm. The light is dim, but beautiful, nonetheless.

What's done is done. The past is in the past, and the present is, too. It is all achieved. And it is flawed, yet beautiful. Don't expect anything to be perfect. But the overall picture will be lovely.

You don'r have to make your life anything. It already is.