May 31 Daily Entry -- Why did no one tell me?

They feel real. Usually unpleasant. But they have no meaning.

Why did my mom not teach me that these feelings that sweep through my body like storms are only phantoms. They mean nothing. Just because they are there doesn't mean there is a reason for them to be there.

Why did my doctors and teachers and therapists never tell me that emotions are just chemicals. They are physical sensations that pass--like being hungry or cold or sunburnt. And they mean nothing to me?

Why did no one tell me that I didn't have to respond to them? They are awful. They look like monsters. They lie and try to convince me that trouble exists where there is none. But why did no one tell me that they have no authority, and that I don't have to listen?

Instead of helping me address these phantoms, the doctors gave me other chemicals to kill them. And these chemicals were like bombs. They kills the monsters, but they destroyed everything I had within me.

Why did no one teach me how to see these monsters? To let them be, but let them know they were not in charge?

Do you all have monsters like me? Do you know that they are not a part of you? What do you do with your monsters? (What you do with your ghosts? What do you do with your dead?)

Can you not see or hear or feel the monsters? What is it like where you live? What types of monsters do you have?