May 23 Daily Entry -- I Went to Face a Dragon

I went to face a dragon today. It is not a real dragon. It is a metaphorical dragon. But you will not be familiar with the battle, so for now it is just a dragon.

(The dragon, though, the one in real life--who is not a dragon at all but a pilates instructor named Denise--represents the fear of being disliked. I am not afraid Denise will hurt me. I am afraid she will reject me. And so she becomes a fear and an enemy.)

I returned to the dragon's lair today to face the fear of being disliked. And.... it wasn't bad. I actually felt known.

The dragon had seen my ugly side, and she allowed me in anyway. She did not attack. She respected boundaries. And we reached a sort of peace.

I don't think she adores me. I don't think I delight her. But we know a bit about each other now, and we still agree to share space.

In a way this is a much healthier dynamic than what I try to cultivate. She knows I can be ugly and rough, and I know she can be petty and belittling. We see each other accurately, and still co-exist.