July 29 Daily Entry -- Problem Solving

What happens when there are no problems left to solve? You invent problems.

And if, for a moment, you can see past the problems you are inventing, and see that you live a good life and that you have the expectation of a good future in front of you, what do you do?

Enjoy the moments every day. Create opportunities for joy. Create beauty.

In this moment, I smell a strong scent of poop, but I have accepted it and I will not let it bother me. It is part of the moment.

It is humid, and my skin itches. The air feels almost too thick to breathe. But that, too, is part of the moment. In the winter this would feel like heaven.

I am drinking coffee, watching a bird feast on a large flying bug, noticing the sun shine through that woman's orange juice.

My stomach and back ache mildly. My hip hurts from sitting the wrong way yesterday. My body protests this morning, and tries to tell mr that all manner of things are wrong.

"Thank you for letting me know," I say back to it. "We appreciate your service, but we will not be acting on your intelligence today. Your message has been received and you need to fall back."

My brain tells me there must be something ro worry about. "Everyone else is worried," it says. "It must be for a reason. It cannot be this easy. How can it be this easy."

"I appreciate your ideas" I tell it, "but for today I will look into it no further. There is nothing to worry about until given a reason. It is easy until proven otherwise."

And so I sit. Aware of pain, aware of worry, but I pay it no mind.

I wish I had people to spend time with. Not just any pepple. People that I love and feel comfortable with. But those people are rare.

Instead I watch a family reunion take place nearby. They are having their turn today. I have had mine, and I am content with that. If I am lucky I will have another.

I watch parents walk by with their children. These children are probably adopted, just as mine would be. Should I adopt a child? You increase the connection in your life, but you sacrifice time, energy, money, probably health.

Nothing here is perfect, but it is all natural. You accept the "good" and the "bad" and all aspects of the moment, because that's what makes the moments. You can't have the good without some bad.

I come to this park because the moments here are mostly good, and I am happy to sit in them. They are not perfect. My back aches. I feel alone sometimes. But to be around other people enjoying the morning makes me feel as though things are mostly good, and will continue to be mostly good.