July 15 Daily Entry -- Resolution.

I stood in a dark, windswept field -- the kind I always picture when the Bronte's discuss a moor -- and I looked down into a hole. Inside the hole a spiral staircase made of stone descended into deep darkness. From the darkness I could hear an ocean.

I descended the staircase. Ten steps leading deep inside the earth, inside me. Sounds and sensations became muffled and my body--protected from the vibrations at the surface--felt soft and cottony. At the bottom I emerged onto a dark, rocky beach. It felt cool, safe, hidden.

As I looked up, I could see a bright blue sky above, as if projected onto the ceiling. Little cotton-ball clouds passed overhead, each cloud representing a thought or a worry. I laughed at how small they seemed from my hidden cove, and I puffed up my cheeks and blew them away.

On a low cliff behind the staircase I saw a field. I approached the field, ready to head off on a journey into this unknown realm, and a shining cloak floated down to protect my body. It pulsated with magic, and I knew that as long as I had the cloak, no harm could befall me.

I started across the field, noticing that it looked a bit like the moor I had been standing in moments before. The biggest difference on this field was me. Here I was my true self. Brave, secure, and whole. A warrior queen, ready for adventure, confident that no harm could come to me.

Whatever happened to the me that stood in the other field was of no consequence. I could always descend to the safety of this realm and carry on grand adventures here.

Suddenly a vision appeared to me. I could see myself old, face lined with wrinkles, and to my astonishment, I was happy. I had no worries, because there was little I had to prove. I had no fears because there was not much time left for me to endure. I had no pain, because people take pity on the old and give them pain relief they would never dare give someone in their youth or middle years. And I was at peace because, although I did not know where I was headed, I felt in my bones that it would be magical. Nothing was serious. Everything was light. It was a future I was happy to move toward.